


Crystallized fragments

by daiyokai



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Cannibalism, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark, Food Issues, Gen, Hide will appear later, I'm Sorry, Identity Issues, Kaneki did not meet Hide, Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues, No Fluff, Pain, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Starvation, hunger, is set during and after anteiku raid, like always, taking care of a wounded Kaneki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-05-27 02:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6265513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daiyokai/pseuds/daiyokai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amon saves a severly wounded half-ghoul from battle field after V14.<br/>Little does he know how this decision will affect not only Kaneki's life, but his own life as well...<br/>And what will happen if he himself is about to lose everything?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

First class investigator Amon Koutarou stood on the main road not far away from Anteiku, the place which harbored the one eyed owl, arch enemy of the CCG for many years. The one eyed owl, who was responsible for the deaths of countless brave soldiers of justice. After an anonymous tip, Anteiku was currently under CCG’s attack, hoping to eradicate owl and his acquaintances, a bunch of also very dangerous ghouls once and for all. Therefore, Amon and a group of soldiers assigned to him had to ensure no ghoul from Anteiku could escape from the battlefield. On the other hand, they should prevent allied ghouls from the outside from coming to help Anteiku’s ghouls. This mission wasn’t allowed to fail, since the chance of tracking down the owl again after this encounter was near zero. The last fight had been more than ten years ago after all. Without Amon of course.

 

Until now, nothing has happened and Amon began to feel like he should fight alongside his friends and colleges instead of waiting for an unknown enemy. An enemy who was likely not to come at all. Every ghoul, who was going against this high number of investigators couldn’t be right in mind, to be honest.

 

Amon sighted. Due to the lack of work to do here, he even considered asking Marude for permission to leave.

 

‘…can you let me pass through?’ the suddenly appeared white haired ghoul asked.

 

_This is Eyepatch._

_What is_ he _doing here?!_

 

Amon’s grip on his quinque Kura tightened.

‘Obviously not’ he answered. More determined than ever to stand his ground.

 

Eyepatch didn’t seem surprised, more like sad, but Amon couldn’t be sure about that. Why should he feel sad to begin with? Weren’t ghouls blood shedding monsters? But Eyepatch was different somehow…

 

‘I will not fight you!’ Eyepatch exclaimed. Somehow he seemed surprised by his own words.

‘I… I don’t want to fight you’

 

 _Me neither…_  Amon thought. This strange feeling every time his and Eyepatch’s ways crossed. The first time, Amon was saved by him, the crying ghoul, who didn’t want to hurt anyone. Second time, Eyepatch crying again, completely broken by the cruelty of this world.

In another life, they could have been friends, or at least talk to each other on friendly terms. But in this world, they were enemies and every time they met, something big was about to happen. 

 

_What is it this time, Eyepatch?_

‘That will not do. Give me a proper fight, Eyepatch!’

 

Eyepatch started to run while unleashing his red rinkaku.

‘Let me take care of this alone!’ Amon commanded his soldiers, while running toward the ghoul and wielding his quinque Kura.

But the white haired ghoul had other plans. Instead of attacking the investigator, he escaped Amon’s quinque and ran towards the wall of the next house.

 

‘It escapes!’ one of the soldiers shouted, raised his weapon and shot a salve of kagune bullets into the house, the ghoul’s current location. But the ghoul was faster and managed to duck under the projectiles hitting the wall behind him and destroying some of the windows. _Good thing, all civilizes were evacuated beforehand._

 

’…I do not wish to kill you.’ Eyepatch said. And Amon knew that he meant it. Slowly, the ghoul approached, his dark mask glowing creepily in the poor light. His shoes barely making any noise as they touched the asphalt ground.

 

‘Mr. Investigator, would it be okay if I ask your name?’

 

‘Only if you give me your name in exchange, Eyepatch.’

 

The ghoul nodded weakly.

 

‘ _Amon_. Amon Koutarou.’

 

‘Kaneki Ken’ the boy whispered, his eye searching for Amons’.

 

‘It was nice to meet you. We will meet again.’

 

Amon couldn’t comprehend what was happening. The ghoul leaped for the entrance of the sewer, under a manhole cover, only a few meters away.

‘Get him!’ someone shouted but the bullets didn’t reach the boy as he already vanished into the dark, accompanied by a splashing sound.

Amon, finally able to react, gave his orders to the soldiers:

‘Follow him! He must not reach Anteiku’s ghouls!’

 

 _Eyepatch,_ Kaneki _, so this is your name. I really wish for us to meet on good terms one day._

‘Sir, Eyepatch vanished… We weren’t able to locate him.’ someone said short time after the ghoul had fled.

‘What a pity.’ That was all Amon said.

 

___________________________________________________________

 

After the battle was over, all remaining investigators were to assemble in front of the new medical tents, built for the many wounded fighters. Apparently, some high rated investigators were also wounded. The owl was one of the strongest ghouls the CCG has ever made contact with, so some wounded were to be expected. Unfortunately, the owl was able to get away in the end, leaving the main goal of this mission unfulfilled.

 

As Amon approached, he saw Akira standing near one of the tents.

‘Shinohara and Suzuya’ she said.

‘They’re both strong; they will make it for sure.’ Amon tried, but Akira just looked at him.

‘Suzuya lost a _leg_ , this isn’t something to come over that easily!’

 

 _And there is her hateful glare again…_ Amon though. He really had no idea, why his partner seemed to hate him that much.

 

‘Please, everyone who is unwounded, assemble here!’

 

‘Akira, do you know what happened to Ka… Eyepatch?’

‘You mean after you and your team let him escape?!’ Akira was pissed and Amon could understand it this time. He had really fucked up on battlefield today…

‘He was killed by Arima in V14. He’s dead.’ Akira simply stated.

 

_What?! He’s dead? Impossible!_

 

___________________________________________________________

 

After the higher ups’ talks had ended, to Amon’s surprise, chief investigator Washuu walked to his side.

‘Amon, are you okay? You seem a bit tense and you didn’t give us much information about what happened out there. Your team seemed unable to get a hold of Eyepatch.’

‘Yes, sir, the Eyepatch ghoul turned out to be faster than we predicted. He didn’t try to hurt anyone though, so at least I can say my team survived.’

‘And you are okay?’

‘Yes, I’m okay, just a bit tired. It was an exhausting mission after all…’

‘That’s true. Go home and take a break. All fighters have one week to recover. Use it, okay? And don’t forget to hand in your reports after you worked on them.’

‘Yes, sir.’

And with this, Amon walked home, not even bothering talking to Akira again. Just going home and rest, that was his plan. The cold air helped him to ease his nerves, but the memory of Eyepatch, _Kaneki_ was still lingering in his mind. Was the ghoul really dead? Somehow he couldn’t bring himself to fully believe Akira’s words, though he didn’t want to doubt Arima’s skills in killing ghouls. That would be a mistake as he was known as CCG’s strongest investigator. But maybe, this time, the reaper made a mistake or something…

 

_What am I even thinking? Kaneki is dead. Why am I even thinking about him being alive? He would still be my enemy, nothing more. Koutarou, what’s wrong with you?_

‘W…where am I?’ Amon noticed that he had left his familiar path and was walking on a deserted street.

_Of course it’s deserted. The CCG blocked all streets around Anteiku…_

_That was right, no need to freak out._

_I know this place. It’s near the entrance of… V14. Ha, I could go and look for Kaneki. But what should I do afterwards? What am I even thinking? I should go home now! But maybe just one tiny little look… I am an investigator! Such a behavior is unacceptable!_

_.............................._

_Okay, just one look._

_____________________________________________________________

 

‘Eyepatch! Oh my god!’ he shouted as he saw the boy lying on the ground. He felt wetness under his shoes, noticing the pool of blood around the ghoul.

_His eyes, oh god. Akira was right…_

Amon kneeled beside the slaughtered boy and examined his body, trying to suppress the urge to look at his eyes, or the lack of eyes. Only two bloody holes, almost accusingly staring into him.

_It’s your fault, Mr. Investigator. You let me trough._

Amon tried to silence the voices in his head. What else could he do? It was too late; he couldn’t help the ghoul any more. The wounds inflicted by the reaper were aimed to kill him. And that was what they did.

 

Amon reached for the ghoul’s bloody hand, not caring about getting himself dirty.

_Too cold, way too cold._

 

A strange sensation gave Amon shiver down his spine.

_Did he just - move?!_

 

And there it was. A heartbeat. Really weak though, but still existing.

_He isn’t dead! He is still alive! But in this condition I doubt he will last long. I have to help him, he needs a warm place and someone to treat his wounds._

Amon stopped. Helping a ghoul was a serious crime, and for him, as an investigator, this wasn’t something that would be forgiven, if found out. But Eyepatch, _Kaneki_ , really needed help at this point. If he kept on hesitating now, he would most likely regret it for the rest of his life… His only chance of speaking with the somehow unique ghoul, who seemed more like a human than a ghoul.

 

Carefully, he lifted the boy up, his cloak getting bloody and wet in an instant.

_Nothing unusual. My clothes are full of ghouls’ blood all the time._

‘Let’s go home’, he said while he gave Kaneki his cloak to keep him warm while carrying him, leaving V14 and the painful memories lying there, far behind.

 

___________________________________________________________

 

When Amon and Kaneki reached his flat, the investigator instantly began to treat the boy’s countless wounds. After carefully removing the Kaneki’s battle suit, he noticed some life threatening wounds on his torso, internal bleedings and also some pierced organs. The head however was by far in the most severe state. Not only were his eyes gouged out, but his whole brain was a mess too. Even with the fast recover ability of ghouls, Amon doubted that Kaneki would be able to make it.

Amon sighed and stood up to bring more blankets and a heater, as the ghoul’s body temperature was still very low. After that, he thought about doing something to calm down himself. There was nothing more he could do to help the wounded, if he was strong enough, he would survive. But Amon also had to take care of himself; his last meal had been more than 12 hours ago, so he entered his kitchen and began to whip something up. Though you couldn’t call him skilled when it comes to cooking, in fact, Akira (and his other colleagues too) often made fun of him, today, he was able to create some wonderful _tamagoyaki_.

After taking care of the dishes, he rushed to check on the ghoul again, but he found him still in the same position where he left him.

So he began to work on his reports for the CCG.

 

___________________________________________________________

 

_W…wh… urg… w…what is th…is? It…huuurts…_

Pain was everywhere, in every part of his body and in his mind as well. Excruciating pain, almost threaten to crush his whole body, soul, existence. Even thinking seemed to be a task, he wasn’t able to fulfil. Fragments of memories and nightmares danced around him, accompanied by several voices, all shouting different things at the same time. He couldn’t comprehend any of their words.

‘Kaneki, are you awake?!’ Amon rushed over to his bed as he noticed an almost silent shift from the ghoul. He also noticed a change in the boy’s breathing. It was going labored and painful.

The ghoul seemed unable to somehow respond, due to his wounds or to the shock, Amon didn’t know. But when he reached for the wounded’s hand, he felt an almost pleading grip and a gurgling sound.

‘Hey, can you hear me? D…do you need something?’

 _Water! He must be thirsty!_ Amon rushed over to the small kitchen and brought a glass of water. Carefully, he brought it to the boy’s mouth, who almost inhaled the liquid.

_So water was the right guess…_

Even after drinking a considerable amount of water, the ghoul didn’t seem to calm down, his breathing still going labored.

_The wounds must hurt like hell… I really wish I could do more for him… But… ghouls like coffee, right? Maybe I still have some around…_

He stood up carefully, not hurting the wounded more than he already was, and headed for the kitchen, again. He really did have some coffee around; he couldn’t even recall why he bought it, as he didn’t like the taste at all. But now, he was more than lucky to have it.

 

When he came back, the ghoul seemed to be unconscious again. His breathing was going normal and he didn’t react, when Amon took his hand. He just left the coffee mug on the table and left. Back to his reports.

_What a day…_

 

 

When it was night, Amon tried to make himself comfortable on the sofa, internally cursing for not having a spare futon. Asking his neighbors was also impossible as it would only raise suspicion. Tomorrow, he would most likely go and buy a cheap one, if his back wasn’t killing him until then.

After one short look at Eyepatch, he lay down on his sofa and closed his eyes.

 

___________________________________________________________

 

A whimpering sound brought him from his nice dreams back into reality faster than he would have liked. After the first confusion, Amon noticed the sound was coming from his bedroom, the room, where he had an SS-rated ghoul sleeping in his bed.

_Oh, shit!_

Half asleep, he managed to reach his bedroom and turn on the lights. What he saw, sent him shivers down his spine.

 

_Kaneki, why?_

 

The wounds Amon had treated the day before were torn again, making a bloody mess out of the bandages. Not even talking about his bed.

Kaneki seemed to be gnawing on some smaller wounds on his arms and whimpering in pain. He was also mumbling something, but Amon was unable to make out clear words.

‘What are you doing?!’ he shouted and reached for Kaneki’s hands.

‘Hey, do you even listen? Kaneki, stop hurting yourself!’

The ghoul didn’t react at all. Amon brought the boy’s hands behind his body, out of reach.

_I have to prevent him from hurting himself…_

He grabbed a belt from his closet and managed to bind Kaneki’s arms together.

Still getting no response from the ghoul, he started cleaning the wounds again.

_Taking care of him is going to be funny…_


	2. Chapter 2

The morning came way too fast. After not being able to sleep for more than 2 hours, after watching over the wounded ghoul for what felt like eternity, Amon decided it was time for a breakfast. He also brewed some coffee and brought the mug into his bedroom. The position Kaneki was in didn’t look very comfortable, but at least he wasn’t able to inflict more wounds than he already had.

Amon sighed. He would have to change the bandages again soon.

_Think about this later._

He took a seat on his small chair next to his bed, like he did the night before. Then, he reached for the ghouls’ hands, still tied together.

‘Kaneki? Are you awake? I’ve brought some coffee for you…’ he tried.

First, he got no response, but then, the ghoul started to stir a bit.

 

_Aahhh…w…wha? What…a..nic..e…smell…_

He deeply inhaled the sweet scent lingering in the air.

‘Here, drink carefully, it’s a bit hot.’ Amon said, remembering how fast the boy drank his water the day before.

He brought the hot beverage to the boy’s lips and he started taking a few gulps.

_So…g..oood…_

‘Hey, not so fast, or I’ll spill the coffee.’

_He seems to have more energy than yesterday, maybe he will make it through after all… Then, I can talk to him… and then? What should I do? Let him go? Give him into the arms of the CCG? He is a ghoul after all… and I’m an investigator…_

‘Hm… so..oo… goood…Mo..re….plea..plea..se’ the ghoul mumbled and Amon snapped out of his thoughts.

‘You want more? Just wait a bit.’ Amon rushed over to his kitchen and hurried to make some new coffee. When he came back, he noticed that the ghoul tried to reach his eyes again, even though his hands were restrained.

‘Hey, stop it, I said! Or you won’t get more coffee!’ Amon growled angrily.

The white haired boy froze instantly.

‘What’s with my e…eyes? I can’t see… why…? Am I b..blind?’ the small body started shaking, his breathing going labored again…

‘Kaneki, c…calm down! Please!’ Amon tried, feeling unsure what to do, how to deal with a panicking wounded person. _A_ ghoul _, not a person_. _When did I start mixing up things to begin with?_

‘Y..your eyes will heal just fine, trust me!’

‘….r..really?’ the ghoul asked, his sobbing easing a bit.

‘Yes! Soon, you will be able to see again, Kaneki.’

_Well, that was almost too easy… Although I have no idea how long it will take to heal his eyes, and it’s not like I could offer him any food or something._

‘Oh, your coffee, do you wa-‘

‘Yes! P…please’

 

The second cup of coffee finally seemed to calm down the boy, though the talking definitely exhausted him. After Amon was done with the dishes in the kitchen, he decided it would be good timing to go out and buy a spare futon for him, as well as some other stuff. Like bandages. And coffee. He would definitely need a stocking up there.

Before he went out, he checked on the wounded again, who appeared to be sleeping again.

 

He rushed to the JR station and took the train to the next _Nitori_ store, not that far away, luckily. Since it was around 11 o’clock am, the train wasn’t very crowded, so he and his futon both fit in easily. On his way, he grabbed some hygiene stuff at a convenience store and bought as much coffee as he was able to carry and some instant ramen. He could live off of them for a few days at least, though it was not very healthy. _Thank god Akira can’t see me; she would definitely scold me again…_

 

‘Tadaima~’ he said, when he entered his flat. Like he did every day, although he was living alone. And usually no one replied. Today as well.

_Is he okay? Maybe I shouldn’t have let him alone for so long… He is in a critical state after all..._

‘Kaneki? You ok?’ he asked, while checking on him.

No response.

_Still sleeping, huh… I guess I will just make some new coffee for him. And some Ramen for myself._

While the water boiled, Amon somehow managed to open and unfold his newly bought futon on the floor.

_More comfortable than the sofa, but still… I really miss my bed… Maybe I could let Eyepa-, no, Kaneki, sleep here…? No, no, no. no. No way. I’m not going to change his environment now, he’s just gotten used to it a bit more… Not just because I want my comfortable bed back…_

 

Alerted by the sound of stifling and tugging against his restraints, Amon once again checked on the half-ghoul.

‘Your new coffee is here~’

The white haired boy just shook his head softly.

Just now was it that Amon noticed the boy was shaking. And trembling. A soft whimper escaping his mouth.

‘ …I… I’m sorry… b.but where am I? **W-who am I**?’

 

‘You…you can’t remember?’ he asked hesitatingly.

‘…no…’ the half-ghoul answered barely audibly; his voice trembling.

_I…can’t even remember my own name… There is just pain, and the rest is blank, like white paper… Oh, please, tell me who I am, my name, anything is fine…_

‘Well… your name is Kaneki Ken. Does this ring any bells?’

_Kaneki Ken….Kaneki Ken… Kaneki, Kaneki, Kaneki… this is my name? I…can’t remember…what kind of person am I? Have I been? Am I different now?_

‘…ah…sir, could you, would you be so kind and…tell me your name…?’

‘I’m Amon. Amon Koutarou. And drop the sir, please.’

He nodded.

An awkward silence filled the room, both unsure what to say next, how to go on from this point.

_He doesn’t remember… what am I supposed to do with him now? I can’t interrogate him in this state… I should…I_ really _should take him to Cochlea, he is dangerous after all._

‘Amon…’ he tried out the name, like tasting it for the first time.

‘Are we…friends? You seem to know me after all…’

Amon froze, unsure who to respond to the boy.

_‘No, we are enemies and I’m supposed to kill you off without a second guess’… But I can’t really tell him this now… He…wouldn’t be able to take this in… not now at least…_

_‘_ A..mon?’ the boy asked, signaling him that he was taking too long to respond, too long to be considered normal.

‘Ah..um… we are friends… kind of…’ he said, instantly scolding himself for his nonexistent ability to lie without getting noticed. As a man, who would fight, yes, even kill for the truth, it was to be expected though.

The white-haired boy shifted uncomfortably in his bed, trying to sit up apparently, but facing troubles with this action, as his hands were still bound together.

‘C…could you…remove…  My hands…h..hurt…’

‘Can you remember why I was forced to restrain you?’

Kaneki seemed surprised.

‘…no’

‘I had to restrain you, because you kept on tearing your wounds open again, especially your eyes. You can’t heal like this.’ Amon scolded.

‘I…did _what_?’ the boy looked haunted by the earlier statement. Trying hard to focus on the hazy memories of when he was half conscious, but without success. 

‘I…won’t hurt myself… I promise!’

_The promise of a ghoul, as if I could trust the words of men eaters- no, no, no, no, no, this is Kaneki, he is different… he isn’t a monster like all the others… I hope…_

‘…okay, but I will be here to look over you’ he answered, thinking about his Quinque waiting in the living room.

‘...thanks…’

Amon carefully removed the belt, trying not to hurt the boy and helped him to sit up a bit. And as he thought, the wounds looked better than hours before.

_Thank god, he seems to be healing just well…_

As he mustered the boy, an awkward silence _again_ started to expand between them. Amon scratched his cheek, unsure how to go on, while Kaneki stretched his hands, obviously content with the fact, that he could use his hands again, although hidden under bandages.

‘Oh! Do you want the coffee now? I’m not sure if it’s still hot though…’

‘It’s okay…I’ll drink it…’

Amon carefully handed over the mug, supporting the blind boy’s shaking hands as he took a few gulps.

‘I bought a new brand today. Do you like the flavor?’

‘Yes! It tastes good…’

‘I’m glad… You can have as much as you want.’ Amon waited until the half-ghoul finished his beverage and placed the mug in the sink.

_I really should work on my reports and do my daily work-out, I can’t get out of shape like this…_

So he opened his files and started to fill out more of the papers he would have to hand in soon. To be honest, Amon didn’t like the paperwork much, as it costs too much time, but he also understood the importance of filling out all the papers as well. It wasn’t uncommon for investigators to die while working on difficult cases and the substitute would have to be able to start from the point where the other left it, so there was no other way than writing down everything all the time. He just wished he’d be able to do it faster…

After two hours of working, the evening sun illuminated his living room and the bright light stung in his eyes, making the process of writing impossible.

_Enough paperwork for me then…_ he thought and started to do a few push-ups, but decided to make some food after a while.

_‘Ramen again’_ he decided, mostly because of his lack of other food.

_Ramen and coffee._

After he was done, he brought the hot beverage to his- _now Kaneki’s-_ bed.

‘Hey, it’s time for your dinner!’ he announced, maybe a bit too euphoric.

The half-ghoul stirred, obviously just awoken.

‘Ah..t.thank you…’

Amon helped him to sit up again, noticing that he would have to change the bandages again if he didn’t want the wounds to fester.

‘Coffee again?’ Kaneki asked sheepishly.

‘Y..yeah, you like coffee, don’t you?’ _And I don’t have anything else for you…_

‘Yes, it’s good, but…I feel like I should eat something…humans are supposed to eat after all…’ he tried to laugh, but it sounded hoarse.

_Humans?! Does he not know what he is? He even forgot which species he belongs to?! This is bad, really bad…_

A long silence filled to room, while Amon’s thoughts ran wild.

‘Amon?’ the boy asked.

‘Yeah, sorry, I just spaced out… Kaneki, listen, I don’t have food for you here, because you have…a special kind of diet…’

‘Oh…like an allergy, you mean?’

‘..Kind of…’

‘Sorry, I didn’t know that… Sorry for bothering you…’

_It’s so pathetic that I don’t know a single thing about me… So pathetic…I have to remember…I must…_

He started scratching his arm subconsciously.

‘Stop that! No more scratching! You promised, remember?’

‘Ah…sorry…’

‘Don’t apologize all the time… Here, drink your coffee’

He handed it over and Kaneki took it thankfully.

‘I need to change your bandages, is this okay for you?’ he asked after the half-ghoul was done drinking.

‘Yes…thank you.’

So, Amon started to remove the old bandages bit by bit, cleaning off the blood he hadn’t been able to remove the day before, and used disinfectants, which seemed to be hurting the half-ghoul the same as it would hurt a human. _Interesting._

When he came near the head and the eyes, Amon prepared himself for the worst. His hands shook slightly when he tried to clean the empty sockets of the boys’ eyes. Some nerves desperately seemed to regrow and to reduce the damage, but without much success so far. His brain seemed to be in a better shape, seeing the wounds weren’t as deep as they had been the day before. But still not in a good shape. Amon guessed that the part of the brain, where the memories were storages, had been completely wiped out.

‘How bad is it?’ the boy asked, pain evident in his voice.

‘You’re healing well, but you will need some time to recover completely.’

The white-haired sighed. He didn’t want to be a bother for Amon any longer…

‘You should rest now; it was an exhausting day for you after all.’

‘Yeah…’ the boy answered. He really looked like he’d drop from exhaustion any time.

‘Okay, then good night.’ Amon said while helping Kaneki to lie down without causing additional pain. Then he left the room and got himself ready for bed as well, lying down on his new futon for the first time.

 

 

Horrid pictures of blood, open wounds, broken bones sticking out, half eaten corpses and checkered rooms tortured the boy’s mind during his sleep again and again, feeling like real memories instead of weird, feverish dreams produced by the delirious state his brain was in currently.

_Why…why can’t these nightmares stop?! I just want to sleep…_

He tried to change his sleep position a bit, getting more comfortable but just achieving the opposite. There seemed to be no comfort for him this night, just like the night before. The only time he had been able to sleep was, when Amon was in the room next to him and taking care. At night, the feeling of helplessness was omnipresent, leaving no chance to escape the voices swirling through his head. Voices meaning one specifically mean voice. Mean because of using all of his fears against him, leaving him broken and as a sobbing mess.

Sleeping wasn’t a good idea, but being awake wasn’t either. Floating in and out of grotesque pictures only to hear the hissing voice whispering sweet words of pain and destruction into his ears.

_Stop, please just stop it!!_

The boy’s heartbeat increased, body shaking and trembling from fear and desperation.

_I… I won’t bother Amon this time… I can make it through on my own…_

Kaneki tried slapping his face in order to snap out of his delirious state.

_No scratching today… wake up properly, Kaneki!_ He scolded himself, finally getting more and more conscious of his surroundings. The room was quiet and he could hear Amon’s even breathing one room next to him. _At least I didn’t wake him up this time… Nothing bad around here, it’s all just in my head… It’s not real at all._

Very slowly, his heartbeat decreased and was getting somewhere near a normal rate. Just concentrating on Amon’s breathing was somehow calming him down, keeping the nightmares away from appearing again, but still lurking somewhere in his subconscious. After what felt like eternity he could hear Amon wake up and most likely preparing some breakfast for himself.

That was when Kaneki heard a growling sound. Coming from his stomach, apparently.

_Oh, I’m so hungry, so so so sooooo hungry, please give me something, it doesn’t matter what, just something to fill the hole in my stomach, pleasepleasepleasePLEASE_

‘Good morning, Kaneki! Did you sleep well?’ Amon asked, while entering his bedroom, finding the half-ghoul lying awake.

_Oh my god, the smell, so delicious, deliciiiiouuussss~_

‘Are you okay?’ he asked, when he saw the boy drooling.

‘Soo…hungry…’ he gasped. Stomach growling again.

‘…I… don’t have food for you, Kaneki…’ he almost sounded compassionate.

‘I’m sorry…’

‘Please, it doesn’t matter, anything is fine!! Just… _food_ … please…’

‘Kaneki…drink this coffee first, how does that sound?’ he tried.

‘Please, no more coffee, it’s not enough to make me full… Don’t let me starve… I’m so so soooo hungry…’ And as to strengthen his argument, his stomach growled again.

_This smell is sooo deliciousssss~~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm alive, apparently... Sorry for the long wait, but I had exams and haven' t writen a single word for the last month.. buuuut here I am... Now this story is going to have 4 chapters as the second one got longer and longer and I couldn't fit in all I had in mind, so there is gonna be one chapter more! Yahooo~~ I have no beta and I'm no english native speaker, so mistakes everywhere... I'm sorry!   
> Anyway, leave kudos and comments, I always crave for them!!   
> Until next chapter! It's gonna get darker and darker :3 hehe

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!!  
> No, I'm not dead...appearently... I'm really sorry for not updating days of darkness... I have no words... I'm the biggest procrastinator in the world... I'm sorry...
> 
> So, here is a new story! And the story is mapped out, so there is a high possibility that I will finish it... maybe...
> 
> Yeah, I'm sure you already noticed... english is not my native language, so there are tons of typos and grammar mistakes, I'm sure... If you spot some, please let me know! Thanks~~ ヽ(〃･ω･)ﾉ


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